Today was the day. I was going in to see how I was going to meet my second child. I was everything..nervous, excited, and scared. Not scared in the sense of what you would think but scared because I wouldn’t get the birth that I wanted. I had in my head what a birth really was and I wanted that. I knew in my heart that if I didn’t get this I would lose a little piece of me. Don’t get me wrong however you meet your child is a wonderful occasion but this was something that I wanted.
I found out on mothers day of ’09 that we were expecting again. A special day to find out that your expecting and that you will have another part of you and your husband. We were over the moon excited and actually my husband didn’t believe the test. I had to go to the store to get a pregnant or not pregnant test for him to believe! From that moment on I was determined to find a doctor who would let me have a VBAC. For those who don’t know what that means, that is a vaginal birth after a c-section. After a few high payout lawsuits it is somewhat hard to find a doctor who is willing to try these and have a laid back approach. I found her…Dr. McCartney. She is a god send and I know that both my husband and myself owe our experience to her!
So here we are on the morning of January 4th. The morning was cold and really slick! But we trudged out and made our way down to the hospital. It was fairly busy but we had a room and that is all that mattered. I had two very important people with me that day to help me try to reach my goal..my husband and MY momma! I had in my head that I wanted to try for a med-free birth and what a silly thought that was! I was good the whole way through until the doctor broke my water and let me tell you that was INTENSE! I have never felt anything in my life like this and I wanted it to be gone and NOW! I held out for all of about 15 mins and said i want the epidural!
This is the part of the day that is funny. I, the one in the labor, the one with the needle going into my back, had one less nurse because they thought my husband was going to pass out! He is not really a needle person or blood but was doing great. Doing his job as a husband to stand there and hold my hand…and that all came to an end when he saw my blood. From what the nurses say we were about 2 mins away from him hitting the floor. And what a sight and memory that would have been!
So now we are finally settled. Mom has her meds, baby is doing great, and dad and nana are sitting in my room freezing, watch ESPN. I kept my room at a very low temperature and no body including the nurses like it! So we sat..and we sat…and we sat. Barely an progress..some but barely. I was so disappointed. I thought my body would catch on to what needed to be done and do it. Going into this my doctor told me that the chances were slim but I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I had told myself all day it is ok to have a csection. You will be meeting your child and as long as he is healthy is all that matters. This all came to an end when they actually came in to say the doctor is finishing up her patients and then coming down to prep you for OR. I was crushed. Unbelievably crushed. But I knew what I had to do and this was it. I sat there for a long hour waiting for my doctor to come down and give me the unwanted news. But she didn’t. She came in, checked me and told me lets keep going! my eyes I am sure were full of excitement! I was thrilled to, yes be in labor, but keep going forward with our goal! She told us at this point (4pm) that it would probably not be till January 5th, ,sometime in the morning that we would have him. I was ok with that because he was fine, I was fine and I wasn’t in pain, so why not wait!
I remember the feeling. Incredible rush. Anxiety. Just a very uncalming feeling. I didn’t say anything figuring this is part of the process. This was 6pm. Around 7 I told my mom I just felt weird. Upon going back and forth as to if a nurse should come in, she finally just pushed the button and said she thought someone needed to come in. Well hindsight 20-20 I am glad she did because I was ready. All this waiting to barely move a cm and he had dropped and was ready to come out in all of about 2 hours! It took a while to get the room ready and the doctor in before I could start pushing.
Pushing..gosh how will I handle this. I was very skeptical as to how I would do. You always hear of these people who push for 3 hours and still need a csection. We weren’t out of the woods yet! And we start. I couldn’t tell for a minute how I was doing because there was nothing I could feel. Everyone seemed very happy with how I was doing but I thought they were all white lies to keep me motivated. No. they. weren’t. Less then 10 mins and into the world Grady Michael came..beautiful. Perfect. Exactly the birth I wanted. The joy I saw in my husband’s eyes was exactly why i wanted this birth experience that I was robbed with my first. We should have known at that moment that Grady did things on his terms and when he was ready. He was so ready that the doctor wasn’t ready and barely caught him.
So there I laid getting all done up and checking out our second addition to the house. We checked him over from head to toe. It was truly amazing to see how similar him and his big brother looked! Almost creepy. We found his many birthmarks he had. Each one unique. He was here healthy and happy. My husband was over the moon, not because of course he had another son to carry on his name…but also because he will share the same birthday with Don Shula. 0_0 Yes the head coach from the Miami Dolphins perfect season.
We shared our minutes of only being us three. In the middle of the hyped up H1N1 season his big brother couldn’t come meet him. At the time I was crushed because I couldn’t get that “first” picture of them together. Looking back, I am glad. I couldn’t have known at the time
how crazy our life was going to be and this was simple. Pure and simple and just us. You take for granite I think that with your first you have all this baby time. You slowly learn with your second that this will only be able to happen at very few moments in between the craziness of a toddler and newborn.
I can say I have a special bond with grady. He is my child who full filled my goal of a mom. As a person. I now look back at the birth of my first and realize I should have cherish his birth in what it was and that God had a plan for us. It might not have been what i wanted at the time but it was all going to work out and he was going to send us this corky little boy who is full of life, laughter and love and was going to complete our quest for “that birth”
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRADY!! You are loved more then you could ever know!